Further to my previous post that linked to Lee's post about Barbie... apparently there is an uproar about this stinky pooch and his poops. In doing some research into this uproar (which I found amusing), I discovered that indeed they introduced Midge, the pregnant Barbie previously which caused an equal uproar. I think they'll have Rehab Barbie soon (along with my previous prediction of Bomb Squad Barbie).

I tried an audio post (as I posted down there *points*) which failed.. so
let's see how unsuccessful I can be emailing a post.

Wish me luck!
--
This isn't life in the fast lane, it is life in oncoming traffic.

Well, I did an audio blog with AudioBlogger... be damned if I know where it is... oh well someone has a random blathering from me somewhere in the netherworld.

My horoscope today went something like this..."You may think you know what's going on but don't count on it. You may have to make some last minute changes to accommodate the needs of others. A work-related incident might cause some grief, especially if you try to cover things up."
And my Biodex was 3 - which is negtive and it said "Press delete on your computer." I take that to mean I should have just stayed in bed. Which became evident when I was trying to finish up the last of the Census shit before Thursday and the stoooooooopid construction crew working on the intersection at McKnight and 68th St hit a gas main and I had to be evacuated out of the area after just 90 mins after starting. I surrender.

So as I'm sitting here at about half past 12 in the morning checking email and getting ready to head to bed, the house is quiet....

BANG

.... First thought, gun shot outside my house. Do I hide? No, I throw on the outside light and run outside like an idiot. I arrive outside just in time to witness some crazy person backing up their car after they've slammed into a parked car and pushed that car an entire car length and shoved into the parked car in front of it, which in turn slams into the next parked car in front of it.... and she's trying to leave the scene. She made it about 10 cars up the street before myself and another neighbour got to her and yanked open the car doors and grabbed the keys.

I'm covered in airbag dust/gas and my skin is burnt from it. And then I had to wake Scott to get his keys to move his car as he was in the way for the tow trucks. Envisioning tomorrow morning's conversation with him will go something similar to "What did you need my keys for? Is my car ok? What?"

If she had swerved left instead of right to avoid the "cat" she claims ran in front of her, she'd have smoked my car, Scott's car and the Suburban on our side of the street. Took the cops over an hr to get to us (good thing no one was hurt) and its now 330am and we're all finally going to bed after giving statements. Our guess based on the handful of tickets she had, she got Undue Care and Attention, Reckless, Leaving The Scene and possibly a speeding ticket as there is no way someone doing 50km/hr could have ploughed into a car and moved it as far as she did. Her brother and her boyfriend showed up and tried to buy everyone off before hand, however the cops were mentioned, they dropped it. She totalled 4 cars. The Paseo is a complete write off, the Buick probably will be written off as the car is only worth 3 grand and the bumper and fender are both severely damaged and the Honda Accord that the Buick slammed into had its emergency brake on (which did prevent it from being launched into the minivan in front of it) which will have caused axle damage as well as the bumper is crushed. Her Honda's front end is gone.

There were a couple of points of entertainment in the whole thing... the neighbours got to know each other well... I met the whore across the street who proceeded to tell me as she witnessed the accident, she and her bf were texting each other and the message she received 10 seconds before the accident was "I'm horny, I'll be there in about a half hr." Do you really tell your neighbours that at 1am when you're all sober on a Monday night??? I also met the peroxide blond who's daughter owns the Paseo, and I must say, bitch is being nice.
I think I was one of the few sane rational people on the street at 1am.

This is horrible... but something just reminded me of it and I had to post it...

"On a recent visit to our veterinarian to get shots for our cat I found this recipe on the waiting room bulletin board. After recovering from hysterical laughter, I obtained a copy from the office staff so that my wife could make it, which she refused to do. I took it to work and gave the recipe to a lady at work who loves cats. The pictures below show the results of her work. It doesn't look very nice, but it's actually quite
tasty, so I decided to pass it along.

CAKE INGREDIENTS:
1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent

SERVING "DISHES AND UTENSILS"
1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper

1) Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food colouring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside.

2) When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.

3) Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture. Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.
4) Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box. Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper. Enjoy! "

I can honestly say, I don't think I'd eat this, even if I _knew_.

Some may have noticed that I've tidied up around here... hopefully that will spill over into reality and I can stop living in what appears to be a construction zone... ANYWAYS... if you've been missed on the new and improved blogroll, lemme know because I deleted my links and if I missed its because I missed clicking to add you before I deleted...oh and you may have noticed my colour bar came back too... have I mentioned lately that blogger pisses me off?

I was over reading this and I have a couple of questions of Mattel. Do you have to buy more 'poop' refills for the dog? Or do they have to be put back "in" the dog in order to continue this feature of the dog? How many poops does the dog hold? And how many biscuits can you give the dog? And do you have to take the biscuits out of the dog or somehow do they magically turn into the poop? I'm assuming that the biscuits turn into the poop but how? and do you throw the poop away and buy biscuits? I'm confused. I checked out the Mattel site to see what they had to say, but there is nothing more there to answer my questions... Perhaps I ought to pose them some questions. Maybe they serve jelly too. I'll ask them too.

15 mins later .....

I have tried to find a way to contact Mattel via email - they don't have such an animal. I seem to recall going through the same issue when I purchased a second hand baby swing and it didn't come with instructions (I couldn't find the battery pack!) and it took me ages to get anywhere on the website and I was ready to kill by the time I reached someone on their toll free number. Oh well, I'm sure that pretty soon you'll be able to get Bomb Squad Barbie and she will rid Mattel of any jelly.

I will have to reserve names/addresses/location due to confidentiality.... HOWEVER, I can tell you just a few things that will make you laugh at me....

I walk up to this house to do a followup call regarding an incomplete census. Sitting on a chair on the side deck is a rather large Native 'gentleman' and his Slurpee. I tell him I'm with feds regarding the census and that we have not received a copy from this house yet and it is mandatory under law and we need to complete it. He tries to argue with me that the lady that owns the house isn't there, I asked if he lived there, he said yes. I said that was fine, it is the people in the house that is what we need a count of, it is irrelevant who it is that completes it. So I start to fill it out - he doesn't know his last name. We're off to a great start. Then I start to ask about the names of the other people (which is now at a total of 10 ppl), he has no idea. I figure that I can at least get enough information to at least get one full person completed and put unknown for the rest - then at least its completed, when all of a sudden, 4 rather large males enter the deck from the garage, their eyes the size of saucers. They've been in the garage doing something that isn't probably legal, but I can't do anything about it. I'm there to gather information and leave. Second person gives me his name and birthday, and so on... then I ask if anyone has been married, divorced etc... and second person pipes up with "Well, we got the licence a couple of times, but I don't remember actually going through with it every time because we kept fornicating and having children and my first wife wasn't into bigamy." I shit you not, that is exactly what he said. I can see the swiss cheese that was his brain starting to ooze out his ears when I mentioned that this was mandatory and he figured he'd just make shit up to see how I'd react. Then the other two stood up and that was my cue to get the hell out of dodge. They watched me as I went to a couple more houses near theirs and then watched as I went to my car. I was seriously creeped out.

Then I go to a house... nice elderly gentleman answers the door, naked. Not Half-Nekkid Thursday nekkid, naked. He apologises and says he will be right back and comes back wearing underwear... either way, it was a frightening experience.

My last adventure was a good adventure. A very nice older man answers the door and we have a conversation at the door and he invites me into the foyer as the wind was blowing my papers everywhere and made it impossible. Keeping a foot at the door, I cautiously entered but as it turns out, he was a very sweet man. We talked for over an hour. He'd lost his wife a couple of years before, and he was former RAF during WWII and we had a great conversation. He was only one of many nice people I've met on my adventures, however, they are few and far between.

** on a side note, I'd like to know where my other blogger toolbar went with the font stuff and colours *ponders in black*

The phone rings at 605pm... there is a screaming voice at the other end calling me names and saying I'm a bad bad person... and that I should just fuck off... and then a click.

I guess that means he isn't going to the supervised visit on Tuesday. So I called back and left a voice mail that said that if he intends to continue to scream at me, to never ever call here again.

I need to apologise to you because you had to 'witness' the conversation that had me in tears after all was said and done. He fustrated me, angered me and tried to push the buttons. At least I didn't come undone until after he'd hung up on me. But as you said, at least this time he asked about her which is a first.

We talked earlier about abuse and how its what you know and you know how to deal with it and its 'easier' to deal with it when you know how to react and how to handle it. He may not have beaten me physically, but emotionally, he trod me down and I wasn't strong enough then to get out even after I vowed I would. It was easier to go back and be there. We've talked about lonely and we've talked about ..well alot of things... it was easier to be there than to be lonely, but I only realized too late that I was still lonely.

I thank you again for supporting me and giving me a hug when I needed it and for helping me even from that far away.

381

As a side note to this, after you fell onto the laminate in deep slumber, I spoke to my mom who has agreed to supervise a visit on Tuesday evening. So I left a voice mail "As follow-up to the previous conversation, I have arranged for a supervised visit that I will NOT be present at, next Tuesday, the 22nd, from 630-830pm at XXX Hxxxxxxx Xxxxx Xx NW. If you are not going to be there or need to cancel, I require 2 hrs notification, so again, next Tuesday from 630-830pm at XXX Hxxxxxxx Xxxxxx Xx NW and I will NOT be present and I require 2 hrs notification for cancellation." Odds are on that he won't show, but we'll see. I'm not holding my breath, in fact, I intend to be more than likely flaked out on my couch.

For my sistah, Cricket

In fact, Presleigh woke up at 210am... mom walked and cuddled and walked til 230... death to momma: 243am.

Misses Presleigh has been Misses Grumpy Pants the past two nights. She is bound and determined not to go to sleep...ever. We started this at 10pm...its after 1 now and we're still screeching our head off - I have cuddled, cajoled, wiggled, walked, rocked, shhhhhh'd, tried bottle, tried pacifer, tried the car and I'm now almost asleep and the second shift of walking, cuddling, cajoling, wiggling, rocking crew has taken over to assist (more because he needs sleep and can't sleep with her crying). I strongly suspect she's hungry but she's got herself so worked up that she's choking on it and pushes it away.

Time of death to momma: 12:43am
Time of sleep for Presleigh: 1:23am
Time of wake up... god I hope its going to be after 10am...

Well crap... I missed the two year birthday of my blog...

Happy Birthday to me.

Penny tagged me so I complied..

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)

Brandy Tararidge (did we have the same dog Penny?)

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)

Mary-Helen Jellybean

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)

K Mar (ok I can just hear the Blue Light Special jokes on this)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)

Burgundy Cat

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Marla Ottawa

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in.).

Lavkr Huwil

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (your favorite color, favorite drink)

Burgundy Smirinoff

I tag Cricket.

This is what happens when you surf YouTube...

Raving Rabbids...

This is for you hon, I _know_ that the belly button lint has to go somewhere, but this isn't it.

My addiction

I blame two people for this video ..Penny.. and my other shoe. The ferris wheel is just more irony...

Since I'm a bazillion miles from home, I have to rely on outside sources for a view of the destruction of what Environment Canada is classing as an F1 tornado. Dad still has no telco, but he and Dee are ok. The restaurant exists and is operational (she worked 9 hours tonight and it was busy!). Its pretty uggerly. Ma Bell had told me by 10pm EST that the telco was to be restored and they were of utmost priority, however, I tried up until 1130pm EST and still no glory. If I call now, I'll get shot.

Mom was searching online for pictures and found a blog by an old cottage neighbour, Gary Dunford. Try as I might, I can't place your face, Gary, I just remember your name...sorry. I also remember you had a sheep dog and had the hundred stairs up from the A-frame.

I was talking with my bestestest friend since I was 6, F, and she's expecting! They're hoping for a girl this time because if they add one more boy to this family, she's going to need estrogen injections!

My china cabinet arrived today! My living room is starting to look awesome! Should be completely disorganized and reorganized I hope by Monday.

I finally am getting my china cabinet tomorrow. The money Granny left me went to buying my beautiful china cabinet to house all her china that she left me too. I'm sure it will become another horizontal surface in this house *mutter*.

I also got the most gorgeous wall hanging for my living room. Somehow my living room has accidently turned into Africa. Can't wait til its all finished and I'll post some photos.

There was a tornado in my home town in Ontario - my sister is ok (the Home Hardware in the story is right across the street from the restaurant she is waitressing in this summer) but I can't get through to my dad as the phone lines are down still.