Apology

I need to apologise to you because you had to 'witness' the conversation that had me in tears after all was said and done. He fustrated me, angered me and tried to push the buttons. At least I didn't come undone until after he'd hung up on me. But as you said, at least this time he asked about her which is a first.

We talked earlier about abuse and how its what you know and you know how to deal with it and its 'easier' to deal with it when you know how to react and how to handle it. He may not have beaten me physically, but emotionally, he trod me down and I wasn't strong enough then to get out even after I vowed I would. It was easier to go back and be there. We've talked about lonely and we've talked about ..well alot of things... it was easier to be there than to be lonely, but I only realized too late that I was still lonely.

I thank you again for supporting me and giving me a hug when I needed it and for helping me even from that far away.

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As a side note to this, after you fell onto the laminate in deep slumber, I spoke to my mom who has agreed to supervise a visit on Tuesday evening. So I left a voice mail "As follow-up to the previous conversation, I have arranged for a supervised visit that I will NOT be present at, next Tuesday, the 22nd, from 630-830pm at XXX Hxxxxxxx Xxxxx Xx NW. If you are not going to be there or need to cancel, I require 2 hrs notification, so again, next Tuesday from 630-830pm at XXX Hxxxxxxx Xxxxxx Xx NW and I will NOT be present and I require 2 hrs notification for cancellation." Odds are on that he won't show, but we'll see. I'm not holding my breath, in fact, I intend to be more than likely flaked out on my couch.