Everything has been crazy crazy... Tyler left today which was sad. Berta, T, Tyler's mom, and sister? and I took him to the airport. I went to visit Mel today. I had promised I would come by this weekend, and I needed to just be.

When I was done at Mel's, I thought I'd go see Devin. Stupid thought really, however, we agreed we're friends so one would think a friend would be a little more receptive than what just happened...
When I got to the door he was there because the dogs barked. I said hi, he sorta said hi. He asked what was new, and I said not much, just wanted to see him. He told me to hang on, and kept the door closed to his body..and then told me to wait there and he went back inside. I heard him open another beer and I heard him call someone, I assume it was upstairs to his sister. I poked my nose inside and told him to nevermind. I walked back to my car, halfheartedly hoping he'd come outside and stop me.
I got about half way down the street in the car and realized I had forgotten to give him the football tickets and turned around and went back. He was upstairs and came outside, and I said that I had forgotten to give him the tickets. He asked where I went and I said I wasn't in the mood for bullshit. He said he had asked me to wait and I had left and I'm calling bullshit? Whatever.. and started to go inside upstairs. I called after him and he told me to fuck off, so I said fuck you and drove away. I called him and left a message on his voice mail saying I was done done done.

I don't deserve to be treated this way at all. He says one thing and does another.
I spent last Sunday at his house.. we had a great day. We watched a movie, made dinner, talked, danced, listened to music. He kissed me a couple of times and made me cry a couple of times and we said alot of things. I told him how I didn't like him very much last week when he was being moody and he said that that hurt. I apologised but I was being honest.
There is a song by Shania Twain (his favourite girl) called When You Kiss Me. Every time I have heard that song with him, he tells me that there is alot of me in it.

How can someone say stuff like that, kiss someone, dance with them, treat them like gold and 7 days later be a complete 180?

But really, I'm done. I can't take the alcohol, I can't take this behaviour and I absolutely can't tolerate being treated like shit.

I wasn't going to blog this... ever... but I need to.
When Dev "kidnapped" me to Radium a few weekends ago, he was impaired. We nearly were killed on the highway in the mountains because he wasn't paying attention to the road. He was drinking the entire way there.
I should never allow someone to take those risks with me.. and someone that is willing to risk me that way doesn't care about me.
The person that I cared about was obliterated by that single act, and I should have stopped everything right there. But now I have.
3 cheers for me.

Around The World in 30 Days Tour - before I forget to blog this again...
Last summer, Rach and I got in the car on the 27th of June at 4am and off we started driving to Ottawa.
My itinerary - July 27th Depart Calgary
June 29th-30th - Arrive Ottawa
July 2nd - Depart Ottawa for Heathrow
July 3rd - Arrive Heathrow at 10am
July 3rd & 4th - With Grant & Sarah
July 4th night - Jake
July 5th - Dave & Ang's Wedding
July 5th and 6th night - Jake
July 7th - sighseeing in Bath
July 7th night - B&B
July 8th - travel to London from Bristol, night with Tyler
July 9th - return to Canada
July 10-13 - Frannie & Kyle's Wedding
July 14-17 - curl up and mew at the cottage
July 18-20 - Drive home

My goal first day was Winnipeg and we so would have made it had Mother Nature co operated. It was raining so hard that my windshield wipers couldn't keep up and the semi trucks kept drowning me so we pulled off in Moosimin Saskatchewan..20kms from the Manitoba border. Argh.
Day two we made it to Thunder Bay - we pulled off too late and couldn't find a decent hotel room so we got stuck in Bates Motel.. it was turquoise and brown and had tile from floor to ceiling everywhere in the bathroom. The train was 10 feet outside the window and the room shook when the train went thru. I had a bit of a breakdown and started to cry in the restaurant and we had to go back to the hotel room. I called my mom and blubbered at her for awhile. I was so tired and hungry but couldn't eat or sleep.
Day three we made it to Blind River. We would have made Ottawa if we had pushed on after dinner but I was falling asleep at the table so I decided not to push it. I found out that my great great grandmother is buried there so off Rach and I go at 7am to fight off mosquitoes and blackflies to find her grave. Do we find it? No. BUT we have pictures to prove we tried. She died sometime in the 20s or very early 30s. There was a guy there digging a grave and we asked where the older markers would be, and he asked who we were looking for. I told him, but he seemed to think she died that week and she was in rough shape. I quipped "If she died this week, she was in really rough shape, she would have been nearly 180 yrs old!"He didn't think that was funny. Such humour at 730am, I astound myself.
We spent Canada Day with my bestest friend since I was 6. Jacy/Frannie. (Her name is Frances, but she changed her name when she was 14 to Jacy.. but I still call her Frannie... I'm getting better...) We discussed wedding stuff for her wedding on the 12th.
July 2nd, off I go to England for Dave and Ang's wedding. The relationship I have with Dave is weird and the fact that he and Ang got married after I forced their hands (You like her, she likes you... go out. You like him, he likes you..go out) is kinda cool but none the less is weird.
Jake is an ex boyfriend who I have managed to re establish a friendship with and I stayed with him for a couple of nights before he shipped me off to a bed and breakfast as he had to go out of town for work. He was robbed last year so he is ultra sensitive about his abode and using an alarm and the like. Violated I guess.
Anyways, the rest was pretty uneventful except for the very long 18 hr drive home from Dryden Ontario to Calgary in one day and we got home one day earlier than planned *cheer*
Anyways, more on these ppl later as time allows...I was going to bed and now T is on the phone so I must go...

Today was the huge Labour Day Classic CFL football leaque games... Hamilton vs Toronto and Calgary vs Edmonton... they called the Ham/TO game a tie after each team getting equal points after each turn... do not understand that CFL rule at all... but whatever..
Our game however.. sucked. Calgary does NOT have a team this year at all, and the worst thing we did was get rid of Wally. The stands were entertaining tho.. we had cops all over, a fight, a rowdy fan, a flasher, a mooner and a streaker.
Devin was at the game and I guess I foolishly sought him out. I invited him to come for wings after with a bunch of us* at the Regal Beagle but he declined. I talked to him last night and he was ultra grouchy and angry and when I asked him today what was wrong, he got pissy and told me not to question him. I don't know why he is angry as he won't talk to me.. I can make guesses but I'd rather hear the answer.

Tyler arrived yesterday - Tyler you ask, is my friend from here who moved to England who I stayed with in England for a night before coming back to Canada last summer on the Around the World in 30 days tour. Tyler is visiting for two weeks! I got to see him yesterday over chinese food, and today over wings - by the time he leaves I will be 900lbs if all we do is eat. The bunch of us from above is Lisa, Berta, T, some narsty bitchy chick named Faye, T's mom, my step-sister Adena, and some other ppl that Tyler knows that I don't...
I work at 1030 tomorrow morning and Im absolutely exhausted. I can't decide if its emotional or physical or both. I've been on holidays for almost a week (1-6th were my days off) and I don't think I've stopped. I truly am done.

Ooo I forgot some irony from the week. I was driving down Centre St to go somewhere, and directly across the street from where a Cow and her husband live is a new office. Just moved in.... StepFamilies of Canada.
I am sure the irony is completely lost on her, however, I think its hysterical and so does mom and Adena.

Roit, I am going to go fall into my bed. My legs and hips are killing me from doing 90000 flights of stairs at the stadium today. At least it wasn't raining.

He's beautiful.. tiny tiny.. I can't remember Rach being that small.
long fingers and toes.. loads of reddish brown hair..I hate that maternal feeling when you're holding a baby and you're not going to have one of your own anytime soon...

I spent the evening with Dev last night waiting for his mom to get home from the hospital.. I promised them both dinner. Then I found out while I'm sitting there that his ex-wife was in the delivery room with them.. Not quite sure why that bothers me so much, but .. none the less, I got to be at the house today when he came home and got to hold him.. I took Rach with me as she wanted to see him too. She got to meet Dev too.. which may have been a pivotal point today, he seemed to realize that I do have an amazing relationship with my daughter that he hadn't seen before. And I've been invited to the family brunch on Thursday morning.

He said something to me the other night (when he kidnapped me) that I forgot about. When we detoured back to the house to get cds for the road, his mom came out to talk to me which he said was weird. When I asked why weird, he said that both his mom and sister want us to be together. I just sort of nodded and said ok... and now with them inviting me to the family brunch, sets it in stone that I'm one of them now. Not sure he is Ok with that or not.. he sorta had a funny look on his face when his mom asked me.

I, of course, work, the night of her shower and then the next morning when the brunch is, however, if I beg, borrow and plead I may be able to dump the brunch shift off. I can't get rid of the one for the shower as I have a training course that runs til the end of my shift.

Anyways.. woken up by some psycho beyotch from the school board at 8am this morning in the middle of my holidays when I want to sleep in didn't help my disposition today... so I'm going to bed..

Talk about crazy weeks... I didn't get the new position at work... From what I understand, out of the 10 ppl interviewed, only one person got one of the 11 open positions. Weird I tell ya...

On Saturday, I called Dev to see what he was up to. His sister was due on the Sunday and figured that he'd be just sticking around home. We decided to go bowling, and I went to his place and we packed up his bowling balls and he let ME drive his baby. We're on 17th Ave and I jokingly say "Let's go to Banff for dinner." He says Ok but he's driving. So off we head towards Banff. We're just outside of Cochrane on the Trans Canada and he says "How do you feel about Radium?" "Never been." I reply. "Ok we're going to Radium." About 1/4 the way up the mountain towards Radium on Hwy 95, he says "How do you feel about Victoria?" "I love it, however, not today...its 9pm!" So about 1030pm we roll into Radium, get a hotel room, go have dinner, a couple of beer and wander the townsite.
Now we sleep in a hotel room that has two separate bedrooms and two separate beds... he crawls in with me in a tiny double. Nothing happens..nothing sexual has happened between us since the weekend before we broke up. However, he's curled up in a tiny bed with me and thats where he stays. Whats with this ..I don't know. I think he's confused.

Today Deanna was induced at 9am. Its 337 now, and still no glory. Baby Daniel should be screaming into this world at anytime soon...

Oooo the call ....308pm 7lbs 1 oz 20 inches long