I'm sure that somewhere along the lines of this post, something amusing will come along, but in general, this will be some ramblings that will question whether or not I have been abusing substances.

In my review with my supervisor at work, in order to sign off on that raise I got 3 days ago, we were discussing something about the internet and somehow the topic that I had a blog (as does she!) came up. I pointed out that I made a huge point of not discussing work other than little bits here and there and never named the company by name, and changed the names to protect the stupid. Much like me, she does the same. So I digress.. anyways... we were discussing the fact that I am going to be doing some job shadowing in a couple of weeks for a position that I absolutely would love. Flight dispatcher. However... I will need to learn to land a 737. OH BOY.
So I have gotten all the documentation I need to start training and then to write the exams... but.. I guess I need to go do some ground school and practise on the simulators. I do solemnly promise not to try and fly a 737 upside down like I did on the simulator at the Aerospace Museum. ;-)

In other news, I had the strangest conversation with Devin yesterday... 2 hr call, 1 hr of it discussing recreational drug use... it was odd.. weird.. I can't explain anymore than that, it was just freakin weird.

And somewhere along my blog trolling, and I do apologise I cannot give credit where credit is due because I have gotten lost in my blog travels... I read this hysterical statistic:

"There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. "

Which reminds me of this guy I used to date...

Due to a fluke freak fuckup in a minor surgery, there was some nerve damage to the nerve that controls erections and ejaculation and orgasm. Its ingrained in your mind that the 'end' of sex results in orgasms on both parts (well its supposed to, and I get to be first damnit). Because of this injury, he was 30 yrs old and taking Viagara and there was no orgasm or ejaculation... which is difficult to get over the feeling of "what am I not doing right" and having to mentally figure out how to accept this. Granted, 4 hour marathons and I was always first... but its a mental thing - to not be able to fufill your partner in the same fashion - difficult concept to grasp. Didn't mean he didn't enjoy sex - he always did - just meant that the end result was slightly different.
Oh and to answer the questions - yes, he's a very wealthy man now and it was great birth control.

Roit, bedtime for bonzo, work tomorrow... and I do very solemnly promise Mossy, Dtrini and T that I will do the blogathon stuff.

Anyone that knows me, understands my insatiable curiousity and why until May 12th, I have resisted the urge to have call display, and why StatCounter should have never been invented. (Either that or JohnQ should not have mentioned it ever) However... my curiousity gets the better of me and thanks to VOIP, I get call display and thanks to StatCounter, I'm now paranoid.
Why on earth are you people from the National Institute for Environmental Health Sciences and the Internal Revenue Services not doing your government jobs that the people of America pay you for, instead of reading NSFW blogs? My posts with "fuckity fuck fuck fuck" or discussions of feverish masturbation in order to fall asleep are not exactly Work Safe material. Or am I research? No wait, don't answer that.

That and the constant google searches for Independant escorts makes me only slightly consider that it might be a profitable activity if I was so inclined to sell my soul.

Just when you thought the coast was clear, one of the BSE Twins actually invited me to her house for Mother's Day for a bbq. I think I might actually faint.

And to add fantastic to my words of today, it was absosmurfly fanfuckingtabulous to go to work today doing the same thing I did on Monday for more money. (And yes, those are my words, I wrote them, so therefore spellchecker my ass, they stay).

I've been late for dinner twice (Thanks Rob), I'm all caught up on the archives and I get handed another blog to read. My eyes are starting to swirl.

All of this is just special... in a short bus kinda way.

Thanks Blogger - Apache errors, javascript errors - their server apparently went splat - and so did my huge long post I did earlier, which apparently isn't recoverable... *sigh*

Anyways - thanks to Mossy, I have learnt that I now accept all major credit cards.

Oh and I found a new blog today... Rob has had me laughing and reading for HOURS today... I nearly was late to the 'rents for dinner because of him.

Penny asked me some questions for the blog-a-thon...

1. You've just won the Super 7 (congrats!) and are now have $17.5 million in your back account. Other than the usual "pay my bills, buy myself a car, ensure my child is taken care of financially" stuff, what would you do next?

So assuming that I have also taken care of my sister and my mom, I would see the world.
I want to spend oodles of time in Europe and not have to worry about the costs - I want to be able to sleep in a monastary (you can in Spain and Italy for nominal donations!), rent an apartment in Russia for a month, learn the languages enough to order pizza. To live like a local.
I would also like to buy my Granny's artwork from my father (since I won't get any otherwise) so that it doesn't get sold or destroyed.

2. You come from a family of creative/artistic people. What do you feel is the most creative thing you've ever done (details, please).

My creativity sadly does not span into the artsy stuff like my mom, sister and granny in the same way. They are all very talented with a paint brush, needle or pencil... I crochet alot but I believe that my outlet is far more in a writing venue. Granted my posts here are not always coherent but when I sit down to put pen to paper to come out with something that I want to be more than babble, I can do so. I guess that my last blanket that I designed myself and did for Devin's sister for her birthday was pretty creative. I have lots of visions, but I make great stick people.

3. Do you think Canada needs an election right now?

If we have an election right now, I suspect that the Bloc will get in as the NDP has the same agenda that is already in place. Hard to say and I wish that in the past month that I had been following the news, but really, can it get much worse? At least we don't have Dubya.

4. What's the best thing about having a child/children?

I get to give her the childhood I never had. Protect her from the shit that I had to deal with. She makes me laugh. She makes me feel old. And she challenges me in ways that I don't get elsewhere. Have you tried rationalizing with a 12 yr old??

5. What's the worst?

Letting go... she has taken her babysitters course and I'm terrified to let her babysit... knowing that very very soon she can get her learner's permit... terrified to let her drive... realizing that someday she's going to have to deal with my death and wanting to protect her... and last but not least.. PUBERTY!!!!

At first I thought that I would write individual questions for Mossy, T and Cricket.. but I realized as I was writing them, I want to know the same thing from each of them... SO.. I'm deviating slightly from the blog-a-thon rules, and asking all three the same questions. So Ner.

1. If you had 48 hours to go anywhere in the world, including travel time, where would you go and why?
2. What is your phobia?
3. H&R Block offers tax do-overs - if given a do-over that would not alter your current life greatly, would you take it and what would it be?
4. What would you consider to be your greatest achievement so far?
5. If you could change a colour in a rainbow, what colour would you change it to?

1…what is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

Urgh, thats a tough one... I guess the one thing that comes to mind due to circumstances of late, is that with all the miracles of modern science and medicine, we still haven't found a way to completely eliminate pain and suffering.


2…if you could have a romance with any fictional character, who would it be?

Remington Steele

3…if you could commit one crime without being caught, what crime would you commit?

Because I'm such a geek, anything related to technical espionage.... being untraceable and deleting people's work or bank accounts and just press enter knowing the chaos it would create. When the hackers got Yahoo and Amazon and Amazon.co.uk in 99, I was looking for a legitimate book called "Pointers in C" on amazon.co.uk and it returned 3 books - Catcher in The Rye, something else and Hand in the Bush - The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. I told two friends and they told two friends and so on and so on...we crashed their web site in 15 mins.... Sarah (prev mentioned Sarah that married Grant) works there and she was a might bit preturbed at me for ensuring there were always 3 copies of that book on her desk for weeks after that. So if I could create that chaos and not get caught... I'm in.

4…what modern convenience should never have been invented?

Men. Oh wait that isn't a convenience. Umm because of the crazy drivers today, cellphones. I despise them, will never own another one, and I can completely function without one. If your life is that important that you absolutely need to be attached to the world 24/7 and nearly kill someone or yourself whilst driving and talking, then you'd best be walking someone through open heart surgery (which I don't recommend). Ok, I won't continue this rant ;-)


5…if you were to name the absolute best gift you ever received as a child, what would it be?

Without going into a huge dissertation of my childhood - if you go back to the archives and read my Christmas feelgood story, I would have to say that my visit with Santa at my house with bubblebath was the best.



Now the rules of the blog-a-thon...

1. If you would like to be interviewed, please leave a comment saying "Interview me!"
2. I will respond with leaving you 5 questions here, which will be entirely different than the torture left for me ;-)
3. You'll update your blog with the answers to these questions.
4. You'll include this explanation and your offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions.

Let the games begin... err continue.

Well things are certainly different today than they were on Monday afternoon when I posted my brief comment....

3 hrs after I posted it, Granny woke up from her coma, looked at me, smiled and asked me how I was... like she'd been napping since Thursday.

She had one foot in heaven and forgot her keys and came back for them...

I'm home now, I'll post more later, but my body is still on Ontario time and requiring food now now now...

Looks like I'm outta here again - I don't know when I will be back. Granny has had several strokes and is now seizing all the time and has fallen and cut her head wide open....

This is a blessing...I'll send smoke signals at some point.

Female Prenuptial Agreement:
I,___________________, the undersigned,agree that:

In the highly unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you've drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for two minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, (as is entirely normal and in accordance with the natural order of things) I shall politely fake one.
It'll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like Ooooh,do me slow; you're so good, you're the best and howling like a cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a compass.
Should your mother show me any photos of you as a child, like those ones taken at your auntie's wedding where you've got a velvet bow tie and a Pudding-bowl haircut, I shall make no comment. Ever. Or even look at you in a way that suggests they are at all funny.
I fully understand that a womans main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team loses, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasnt there. To demonstrate my understanding of this principle, I will prepare your favourite meal or, in the event of not being able to cook, take you out for a few pints at my cost.
Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak and that I have discovered, contrary to popular belief, that size does matter. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.
After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as making love), I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face. Under no circumstances will I attempt to start a conversation as you are dropping off to sleep.
I will never, ever give your penis a cute nickname. Any references to this hallowed appendage will be prefaced with words such as mighty, huge thrapping or the thunderstick.
In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.
I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual tendencies. Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay. I understand that video footage of such incidents is an indispensable part of the experience and in the event that you do not already possess one, I will acquire a video camera for you at the earliest opportunity.
After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have ruined me for other men.
I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, barbecues and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. and that I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you're in charge of the lot. Except for the iron, the Hoover and the washing machine, of course.
Signed____________________________________
Date

I promised several people the candid picture I took of Devin....

In The Store That Shall Not Be Named, they have their summer stuff out - so following my mother with a hugh muther of a beach ball, bouncing it in the aisles....

"Mooooooooooooooooom, buy me this ball pleaaaaaaaaaaase."
"No."
"Mooooooooooooooooooooom" I wail
"Kristin, stoppit."
"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I want the balll, pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaasssse"
*glare*
*bounce bounce bounce*
"Kristin, enough, behave."
Ok so it was fun for awhile, but when your mother gives you the same look she did when you were 8, its no fun anymore.

And I did have this alll typed out and ready to go, except blogger kept telling me there was a DNS issue with their website...I love you blogger....not.

But this week was a shitty week, aside from the letter that Cricket, Penny , Mossy and I wrote to JohnQ. Which amused us all.

But the shittiness is over. And I'm all better.

I have Cricket Syndrome again.... thanks to feeling like Death Warmed Over and having slept all freakin day... here it is 315am and I need to get up at a reasonable time and I'm wide freakin awake. I tried the whole masturbation wear-me-out technique...no such luck. Tried a shower...nada. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck...

Calgary's weather forecast for Monday... 13 C and snowing - how the hell can it snow at 13C?

We all complain about how screwed up the weather can be in Calgary but we all stay... we just sort of become used to it. It truly is whacked. Middle of January it can go from -20 to +20 in an hr with a Chinook blowing through. The opening ceremonies for the 88 Winter Olympics, I wore shorts... we had no snow.

I went out with Lori this evening for a bit and told her about my weekend with Devin and how I was really confused at his sudden "sweetness" with no explanation. She has decided that he has come to his senses and realized what he was losing. I dunno man, but I think I might consider celibacy or the quarterly plan like JohnQ.

Well, we hopped aboard WS 540 at 1010 on Tues morning and off we stumbled to Ottawa to hang out with Granny and my sister Dee for a few days. It has been a week since I typed anything and I can tell - my fingers are not co ordinated - so pardon the typos.
We had a great visit with the girls doing crafts with Granny, spending some time with my neice, Brit, watching my nephew Nick win a playoff spot in the Junior city hockey... seeing my dumbass brother which was a complete waste of time and energy, and seeing my bestest friend since I was 6, and her fabulous new baby Noah.
On Friday, we hopped onto WS 521 and stumbled back into Calgary at 7pm. Something I ate on Fri for lunch did NOT agree with me and I swear I was going to die. I lay in the bathroom for awhile and then decided I was going to go out with Lori to the casino for a bit.
I called Devin when I got home and he told me to come over...
So for the update you've all been waiting for...

Now, before I continue, anyone that knows me personally are being warned now, you may wish to avert your eyes. ;-)

He says that he is glad I called and wanted to talk with me and that he missed me while I was gone. Now bearing in mind that during all the time I've known him, he is bad about not answering the phone and not returning calls. He answered me on Mon night when I called to say I was going to Ottawa, he answered when I called from Ottawa and he says he missed me...this is progress.
I hadnt had a shower before going there, so when I got to his house, I hopped into the shower and when I came out, he was curled up in his bed, all lights out except the one on the nightstand...so I take this to mean he wants to go to sleep...so much for that conversation.
He rolls over and plants one on me and tells me he missed me again and that he's sorry about my Granny and cuddles up to me.
Taking two steps back for a second - we've done the horizontal mambo 3 times since we broke up and it has always been just sex..no real foreplay, no romance, no kissing, cuddling - just ...sex. Not that its bad sex, its great sex...but it was just that.
In about 30 seconds flat after cuddling up to me, he rolls over and is nekkid, rolls back over and starts kissing me and touching and alot of foreplay... I'm still working out how it is exactly that I managed to walk to the kitchen later as my knees were still jello the next morning. Great sex, lots of kissing and romance and he made sure I was first ...several times. We watched Nascar today, and cheered Jr to a 4th place finish and went to the Nascar store and hung out there for a bit and came back to his place and I was attacked yet again. :-)
I'm obviously home now, but again a fabulous weekend. I am not pressing for anything, but if we can keep it at weekends for both of us for now...
I'll keep ya posted..