Somewhere along this post an appropriate title will surface I'm sure, however, it shall remain titleless for the moment... if it stays blank, I forgot or nothing seemed reasonable/right.
I had an interesting conversation today (thank you, you know who you are) which made me take a brief trip down memory lane. And I realized I had forgotten things, forgotten new information...and I didn't twinge at some of the memories like I used to. I guess that does mean time does heal everything. And you can live past a broken heart and maybe not be so jaded.
I thought about the cast of characters that have passed through my life.. some more briefly than others and some have managed to get stuck in the fly paper and have stuck it out. So I wondered why they did. What was so amazingly special about me that made them choose to want to put up with me and my shit... my insecurities, my 'flakiness', and my perpetual state of flux.
But they have taught me something that I didn't realize until thinking about this cast.... they have taught me that I am not alone in this world. That I don't have to ask if someone is angry with me, that they should be telling me so I am not second guessing myself. That I don't have to be at their beck n call and that it is OK to not talk every day and that doesn't change our friendship. They have taught me that I am a good person and worthy of knowing and worthy of being with. That I am the life of the party and the wallflower and both are OK. That my sense of humour is whacked and they love that about me. And most of all, I can give them the link to this blog and they don't judge me by _anything_ written here and that they may not always pass comment when strolling by here, but that they accept it and love me anyways.
I've read others blogs and they talk about that they could not give this URL to anyone they know as they love the anonymity it provides and they'd die if someone they knew personally read their diary. But really, the mere fact that you press the publish button gives permission for anyone to read whatever you post, even your innermost thoughts.
There are some innermost thoughts that I can't publish...at least not yet. Perhaps in days to come, they will come to light, but for now... I'm not giving that permission.
I had an interesting conversation today (thank you, you know who you are) which made me take a brief trip down memory lane. And I realized I had forgotten things, forgotten new information...and I didn't twinge at some of the memories like I used to. I guess that does mean time does heal everything. And you can live past a broken heart and maybe not be so jaded.
I thought about the cast of characters that have passed through my life.. some more briefly than others and some have managed to get stuck in the fly paper and have stuck it out. So I wondered why they did. What was so amazingly special about me that made them choose to want to put up with me and my shit... my insecurities, my 'flakiness', and my perpetual state of flux.
But they have taught me something that I didn't realize until thinking about this cast.... they have taught me that I am not alone in this world. That I don't have to ask if someone is angry with me, that they should be telling me so I am not second guessing myself. That I don't have to be at their beck n call and that it is OK to not talk every day and that doesn't change our friendship. They have taught me that I am a good person and worthy of knowing and worthy of being with. That I am the life of the party and the wallflower and both are OK. That my sense of humour is whacked and they love that about me. And most of all, I can give them the link to this blog and they don't judge me by _anything_ written here and that they may not always pass comment when strolling by here, but that they accept it and love me anyways.
I've read others blogs and they talk about that they could not give this URL to anyone they know as they love the anonymity it provides and they'd die if someone they knew personally read their diary. But really, the mere fact that you press the publish button gives permission for anyone to read whatever you post, even your innermost thoughts.
There are some innermost thoughts that I can't publish...at least not yet. Perhaps in days to come, they will come to light, but for now... I'm not giving that permission.
posted by Kristin at 2/08/2005 05:05:00 PM
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