Warning..this could get long...
There are a few things that I want to say, so I hope to get them all out in some coherent mess... I'll try to find some way to break this up so it doesn't look completely whacked Nyquil speak...
The whole Devin thing has me completely messed up. I talked with Lori about it tonight and she just looked at me like I was on crack. Thats exactly how I feel... like a Jack Russel Terrier...whacked.. no idea what or if I should feel anything anymore.
So bearing in mind that he has been messing with my head for so long, that I did mentally take a stand to move on.
How is it that I end up in relationships that are completely whacked?
My ex husband... my best friend - nuff said.
The Second Lee... He left me for a woman that is older than my mother, her oldest son is older than he is and she had 4 grandbabies when they got married. She passed away a couple of years ago when they were on holidays in Egypt. Somehow he felt it neccessary to tell me. Not sure what that was supposed to mean to me other than I could give a smug smile in knowing that I was right. This man nearly cost me my house and put me thousands of dollars into debt. Money I will never see, however, it is good riddance to bad rubbish. Since 1997, we have spoken less than half a dozen times.
The love of my life.. The First and Third Lee. He lives in England - not sure I have enough room to explain everything about this, but in a nutshell, he is my other shoe. Distance, the past, and so so much water under a very large bridge has made this so difficult. He still can make my heart twitterpat, but... too much gone by. We talk but.. its not quite the same.
Jake... We were friends, then we were dating, then I hated him, now we're friends again and we hang out when he comes to Canada or I need a bed when someone gets married in England. That reminds me, he arrives sometime soon to go mountain crashing again. Super Bowl in Banff! uh oh. When I hated him, we were attending a wedding together in Seattle that we had previously said yes to when we were still together. I arrived, we had the same hair. There are other oddities about that whole week I'd rather not get into. We talk.
The Fourth Lee.. yeah I know. Enough of that name. We worked together.. he was nice enough, but after a week together on holidays, I was climbing the walls. We haven't spoken in a long time, but only because our paths just don't cross.
Shane... ahhhh Shane.. He was 20 to my 28. And a virgin to boot. I was pleasantly surprised at the errm natural talent? He's 6'6" 250lbs and ...well.. droolworthy. He's from Brisbane Australia and we met on The Disc.. thats where I met the First Lee and Jake.
Shane came over to Canada during the Nagano Olympics. He got the opportunity to see snow actually fall... we had a huge snowball fight... it was amazing. However, he was far far too young and we were in completely different spaces. Now, 6 yrs later, he's married and happy. I told him his wife owes me a thankyou card ;-)
We talk from time to time and we have mended any broken bridges.
Gary.. He was the first guy I met on an internet dating site. Our first date was almost 24 hrs long. I was nearly asleep when he dropped me off. We had an amazing summer. I was his rebound relationship. We haven't spoken since the night I broke up with him because I wasn't prepared to be his rebound. Lori actually ran into him at a parenting after divorce seminar (he has 4 girls ... now they'd be 4 6 8 and 10) and he was with his new girlfriend who apparently is a blonde version of me. Sheesh.
In between there is Tim (see Oct/Nov archives for Tim notes) and then there is Devin...
See? Fucked up. Completely.
I would like to think I am not a typical girl... so points to ponder.
The whole Devin thing has me completely messed up. I talked with Lori about it tonight and she just looked at me like I was on crack. Thats exactly how I feel... like a Jack Russel Terrier...whacked.. no idea what or if I should feel anything anymore.
So bearing in mind that he has been messing with my head for so long, that I did mentally take a stand to move on.
How is it that I end up in relationships that are completely whacked?
My ex husband... my best friend - nuff said.
The Second Lee... He left me for a woman that is older than my mother, her oldest son is older than he is and she had 4 grandbabies when they got married. She passed away a couple of years ago when they were on holidays in Egypt. Somehow he felt it neccessary to tell me. Not sure what that was supposed to mean to me other than I could give a smug smile in knowing that I was right. This man nearly cost me my house and put me thousands of dollars into debt. Money I will never see, however, it is good riddance to bad rubbish. Since 1997, we have spoken less than half a dozen times.
The love of my life.. The First and Third Lee. He lives in England - not sure I have enough room to explain everything about this, but in a nutshell, he is my other shoe. Distance, the past, and so so much water under a very large bridge has made this so difficult. He still can make my heart twitterpat, but... too much gone by. We talk but.. its not quite the same.
Jake... We were friends, then we were dating, then I hated him, now we're friends again and we hang out when he comes to Canada or I need a bed when someone gets married in England. That reminds me, he arrives sometime soon to go mountain crashing again. Super Bowl in Banff! uh oh. When I hated him, we were attending a wedding together in Seattle that we had previously said yes to when we were still together. I arrived, we had the same hair. There are other oddities about that whole week I'd rather not get into. We talk.
The Fourth Lee.. yeah I know. Enough of that name. We worked together.. he was nice enough, but after a week together on holidays, I was climbing the walls. We haven't spoken in a long time, but only because our paths just don't cross.
Shane... ahhhh Shane.. He was 20 to my 28. And a virgin to boot. I was pleasantly surprised at the errm natural talent? He's 6'6" 250lbs and ...well.. droolworthy. He's from Brisbane Australia and we met on The Disc.. thats where I met the First Lee and Jake.
Shane came over to Canada during the Nagano Olympics. He got the opportunity to see snow actually fall... we had a huge snowball fight... it was amazing. However, he was far far too young and we were in completely different spaces. Now, 6 yrs later, he's married and happy. I told him his wife owes me a thankyou card ;-)
We talk from time to time and we have mended any broken bridges.
Gary.. He was the first guy I met on an internet dating site. Our first date was almost 24 hrs long. I was nearly asleep when he dropped me off. We had an amazing summer. I was his rebound relationship. We haven't spoken since the night I broke up with him because I wasn't prepared to be his rebound. Lori actually ran into him at a parenting after divorce seminar (he has 4 girls ... now they'd be 4 6 8 and 10) and he was with his new girlfriend who apparently is a blonde version of me. Sheesh.
In between there is Tim (see Oct/Nov archives for Tim notes) and then there is Devin...
See? Fucked up. Completely.
I would like to think I am not a typical girl... so points to ponder.
- I don't take 3 hours to get ready to go out. Give me 30 mins warning and I'm good to go. That doesn't mean I'm dressed like a slob or unclean, it just means that I am not vain nor do I need to paint my face like an Indian going into battle.
- I LIKE sports. I do not require them in a daily dose, nor do I require the sports page of a newspaper. If they're on tv and you want to watch, I'm in. Do I understand the rules? Yes.. except for cricket but that's a daft game anyways.
- I don't need you to be with me all the time for me to be "complete". I do not require a phone call every 20 mins to make sure I'm ok. I do not require you to check in with me. That said - it is appreciated that you say "Hey, I'm going out with guys, I'll be home later" or "I will be out late, would you like me to call later?" or something to that effect.
- If you want to go out with the guys, go ahead. The strip bar is fine too. I know where you're coming home to.
- Porn is healthy. The only time I have something to say about porn being bad is when it is a substitute in a relationship. That means there is something more to this than just "I like porn". It means that we're not communicating about something, so speak up, I don't bite (that is unless you want me to)
- Sex is healthy. Lots of it. Now. Yes please. Did I say now? I meant NOW.
- No, you do not have to cuddle me to sleep. In fact, please get off of me so I can roll over because your internal furnace is going to melt my skin off. I would be quite happy with a kiss goodnight and rolling over. (after sex, more sex and more sex that is).
- I am not a morning person... acknowledging that fact by not waking me up in your sunny cheery disposition would be gratefully welcomed and coffee cherished.
- I will NOT ask you if I look fat in something because that's just asking for trouble. I would however appreciate the occassional wolfwhistle when I'm looking pretty fine.
- I do not require flowers for every bloody reason under the sun. My cat eats them anyways. But under no circumstances, ever, not even if your dog died, the cat ran away, your best friend's uncle's sister-in-law died, do you fuck with the birthday. I could care less about Valentine's day, I could really give a rat's ass about anniversaries. But DON'T FUCK WITH THE BIRTHDAY. *hint hint It's June 18th*
So ya see, I'm not high maintence.....
did warn this could get long winded... but I am done now. I started this post 45 mins and 2 cigarettes ago so its time to go to sleep and let Nyquil do his thang.
posted by Kristin at 1/30/2005 03:57:00 AM
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