The Answer....

Well since you people suck ;-) (j/k) and only Chaz asked, this is going to be easy. I guess I got off lightly compared to Joe and Cricket. I'm boycotting the deadline because I got tired of waiting for more questions.

I regret nothing. Everything that I have done has shaped me into the person I am. Valuable lessons learnt, some repeated again just because they were fun, but really, honestly and truly, I regret nothing.

Disappointments are a different matter completely. Would I have liked outcomes to be different on some things? Abso-fucking-lutely. So those couple of things, I will babble on about.

I am disappointed that things did not work out between First Lee and I. More than I could express. If I had not risked everything to go and meet him way back when and give up my life to live there with him, that I would have regretted. But I took the risk and the chance so that I could not look back and say "What if?" or "I wonder what would have...". Life, distance, his failing marriage, the fact that mine was barely over and time zones made this relationship fail and strong in the same breath. The time we spent yapping online or on the phone... the 9 emails a day, the phone bills (I think I may still be financially recovering from those jeebus), knowing him inside out before face to face... to have face to face be exactly the same, to have life with him exactly the same.... to lose it all because of 5000 miles and the impossibility of a quick call to say "Hey, lets go for a walk, meet you in 10 mins" is what killed it. Sometimes love just isn't enough.

I'm disappointed in myself in that I have this stupid way of getting involved with the wrong men and that I can't figure out before it is too late that I'm the one to get burnt. Mr Government Employee and I had something good once, and he ran like a chicken shit when it was getting more serious (Christmas 2003) and then came back a couple of times with his tail between his legs apologising. Yes yes I am a glutton for punishment and I give too many chances. But as I explained to him, that there was no pressure from me. He travels 200 days a year and has residences in 3 cities, but I wasn't interested in being some chick in a harbour when he docked for a couple of days.

Or like Devin, who can't seem to decide what he wants from me and I let him continue.


I think perhaps the only regret would be the day after tying one on with copious amounts of alcohol and waking up with your face stuck to the pillow and unsure of exactly how you got into bed and who exactly removed your clothes because you are alone and can't recall shit. You know the kind of toasted I mean... the ones where you're yelling "I love you man!" at the new friend you've made at the bar waiting for drinks who is just as wasted as you are, and at some point between intoxicated and falling down stupid assed drunk you say to your best friend "Holy fuck, I am sooooo gonna regret this tomorrow."