Another Day Another Do$$ar

Aside from actually feeling physically better now, 12 hours later, mentally, the dumpster is probably where I am. When it is quiet at work, you have time to ponder... So I processed a little of what Devin said to me on Thursday...
"You're beautiful, you're a perfect girlfriend...giving me space, being together on the weekends and having 'our' space during the week, letting the flower bloom like you said before....It's not you, it's me"
If I'm so bloody perfect, then what the hell is the problem??!? And how more cliche can you be? I'm the first to say I'm not a super model and I'm the first to admit that I need work, but I was less confused when he asked me to be his girlfriend after a week of telling me he didn't want to see me, than I am now....
He said it was "our" decision, not just his, what we were going to do... well obviously it was his decision because I didn't want to end it.. maybe he'll come to his senses.. I'll just leave the flower alone for now..

On Sat night, I had a little bit of a chance to talk to Colin. Colin is like my comfort food. My bestest male friend. Sometimes I wish I knew how to explain to him what his friendship means to me, and othertimes I know he knows and it doesn't require me saying anything. Unspoken. Not sure I would ever be able to express it other than I love him to death and won't accept someone that can't accept him in my life too. Whenever I've met someone that I think is going to work out, its imperitive that they understand the relationship I have with Colin, and that he's apart of it. Dev and Colin met and they both seemed to like each other, and it was important to me that they did. Its funny... guys seem to understand the friendship thing between a guy and a girl, but girls seem to get very bent out of shape. Colin has had a couple of girlfriends who seem to be extrodinarily jealous or intimidated (or something) of our friendship, when it is nothing more than what we present. WYSIWYG

Its similar with my ex husband, Scott too. We don't fight (except when he is asking for directions and he doesn't listen), we don't dispute what needs to be done as far as our daughter is concerned, and we just do what needs to be done to survive.

Right, now that I have driveled on about the men in my life *laugh*, I am going to sign off and play some cards and then have an intimate date with my pillows...